Red Hot Mutha'

I saw Death this morning. He was driving a Honda. He turned to me slowly as I passed, and his eyes were larger than I'd thought they'd be. He gave me that sly smile, no teeth. His sickle was propped at a jaunty angle in the backseat, blade down for safety. I lost him somewhere on Route 40. He was taking his time and I had to get to work.

Dear Mrs. G.W.,
I am sorry what I did in the fire drill and what happened I was trying to do but it was all the bugs falt they will give me burns my dad don't want me to get bugs bites I had to move out of the way they are creey lookan and those are don't misqkeydos my mom tod me not to let one touch you.

Mrs. G.W.,
I am sorry for the way my classmates and I acted during the fire drill sorry for acting like we did we all new bater and we made ourselfs look like fulls we leght kindgrade, first, second, third and fourth gard show us how to handle a fire drill and were the top grade of the school we should be showing them how to handle a fire drill but we let 5 or 10 mesctoes get our atention and we went cray over that goofun off but really was not the musctoe that made us actup.

V and I went to Wegman's on my day off Tuesday. I don't usually get excited about grocery stores, but this was like Disney World! (Okay, I lied. My highlight to my trip to England several years ago was to a grocery store. They don't have peanut butter, only Nutella!) Crowded was an understatement, so if you haven't take your anti-anxiety drugs you should stay out. I heard somebody say (seriously) as he walked by cases upon cases of prepared meals, sushi and 300 different kinds of muffins that there "Wasn't anything to eat here for lunch", and prepared to walk out with his group in a huff. Didn't take his meds, I bet. Or, he didn't see the sit-down restauraunt upstairs. I had some kind of caramel latte at the coffee bar that could rival any Starbucks (and was about a buck seventy-five cheaper) and the barista affixed a cup holder to my cart to hold it. I got upsold on pork, but the butcher freezer wrapped it for me so I ended up saving money in the long run, I guess. I had to put blinders on as I went through the aisle that held the natural handmade organic soaps and body product, as I have enough patchouli sandwood vetiver stuff to open a Bath and Body works...but SOMEONE said recently that, and I quote, "Everyone needs a vice", so I'll keep that in mind next time I go. Soap is a good vice. It's clean. Vincent had a good time; he loves it whenever someone calls him beautiful and we laugh when he gets mistaken for a girl. Maybe a trend is being started, I don't know. But he is the most goddamned beautiful thing on this planet, and I've seen a lot of shit here.