Red Hot Mutha'

I think that if you don't evaluate your belief system every few years or so, you become stunted. Since I've had Vinnie, who is the most marvelous beautiful thing in the world, I've been thinking alot about how I want him to grow up and what I want him to learn. I've been pagan/wiccan for the longest time, but now I think I'm moving more toward the agnostic part of the spectrum. No matter what, I refuse to fill his head with lies about christianity. I've been asked if I'll tell him the "story of christmas", but which story are 'they' talking about? (There are so many good ones out there.) The Flying Spaghetti Monster is getting my vote, more and more everyday. I look around and see people still praying to something they've never stopped to think about; they just do it because someone brainwashed them that way. Where is your god when the innocents (children and animals) suffer at the hands of the humans he supposedly created? Is he up there, protecting the nazi pope while he covers up sick shit like the Catholic Abuse Scandal? Can you actually believe that the nazi pope is PROTECTED against interrigation about that whole cover-up? That, just because he is a MAN of the cloth, somehow he is above and beyond? (And just how does he take a piss every morning? With his dick. Just like every other man.) So much stupidness happens in the name of various religons...like this fucking war....and yet it just keeps going on...The scary thing is, most people believe in God, they pray to it every night, go to church for a few hours, and live their life under its numbing shroud, keeping themselves dumb and saited with the fat of irresponsibility. That's all (most) religion is about, really. Irresponsibility. And so I don't want my son to have to grow up like this; I want him to question, to learn, to be responsible to himself for his choices and make the right decision because it's the right thing to do. I don't want him to follow the crowd because everyone else is doing it, wiccan, christian, jew, what have you. So as of today, I'm considering myself agnostic. Notice how I didn't say atheist. I may re-evaluate myself every now and again, but I keep my mind open.

Goddamn it! It's fucking back. My eating disorder, I mean. I cna't stop thinking about how fat I look...If I could just cut my stomach off I'd look allright. Every window or mirror I passed today, I had to look at the goddamned thing. I look pregnant again. (I'm NOT, okay?!) I've been taking this xenadrine stuff fo about a week, but all it's doing is making me jittery, and frankly, i could get the same benefits with a pot of coffee. I want to fucking exercise so badly, but when I come home from work, all I want to do is see Vinnie, and then after he goes to sleep I'm so tired and disillusioned with the fact that I'm so flabby that I just want to go to bed. I'm not able to see myself clearly. I can't ever see what I really look like. It would be good to talk to Dr. Krieger again, but I can't see her because she's under a different insurance plan. AND I'm not about to go sit down with someone else after two or so years of work and "start all over again". Not going to do it. All I do is notice how disgusting my arm looks when I wave, all that flab shaking back and forth. And the way my thighs vibrate is disgusting. (Part of the reason is because I have to get a tire alignment and my car shakes around a bit much.)
Other than that, there's really nothing wrong here at all.

so I'm tired of people playing the blame game now. I'm so over it. Republicans blaming the mayor and governor of Louisiana and Democrats blaming the president. And don't even get me started on the FUCKING ASSHOLES who say "Why couldn't they JUST LEAVE?" Stop already! Michael Moore, no matter what you think of him, is helping to organize a place where you can send specific items to help those in need from the Hurricane. Along with those moms from out front of Bush's ranch. Yeah, those protesting moms you all complained about. Instead of just protesting, they've set up camp down in Louisiana and they're taking supplies, especially baby supplies, directly to the people who need them most. I know that Baby V has a bunch of diapers that he grew out of as well as some powdered infant formula that I'm going to send. And I'm going to see if the kids can make some cards today to include in the care package. I'm sick to death of seeing all this destruction to my FAvorite City, all the people starving to death in the USA while we're over helping Iraq FOR WHAT (but I won't go there now) and I can't take it. And I just changed my politcal party to "Jedi" because I'm embarassed to be a memeber of either of the two major ones. Oh yeah, if anyone actually reads my blog, here's the address where you can send stuff (check out their website to see what else they need) Send it UPS as they don't have regular mail service yet.
c/o Veterans for Peace Chapter 116
645 Kimbro Drive
Baton Rouge, LA. 70808

A boy walks up to me with an strangely elegant drawing of what appears to be a dodo bird. A trail of dashes follows the bird, curling and curving to the ground. "I like your bird", I say. The boy answers, "It's doin', y'know, number two." He holds up two fingers like a peace sign. " "Cuz they always do that on your car and stuff."

A first-grade boy gets "accidently" hit in the eye with a pencil by another student. (Actually,I looked at it and it was below his eye. Thank god or I would've passed out.) He puts his had over his eye and, crying, I send him to the nurse.
He returns fifteen minutes later, no hand over his eye. He sits down at his table to his work. The boy sitting next to him asks all deadpan and totally serious, "Did they give you a new eye?"