Red Hot Mutha'

so...I was driving to work this morning, playing a little game with myself that I always do to keep myself awake. (I swear I'm narcoleptic when I'm in the car. It doesn't matter how much coffee I've had before I drive to work, or how loud I blast my music, I have to do everything I can to force my eyes to stay open. Really.) I look at other people in their cars and make up little stories about them. Like, "Oh, he likes to be spanked" or, "She's having an affair with that guy in her car". This morning, as I was playing this game, I looked over at a nondescript middle aged man in a green Focus and thought, "Molester." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him raise something to his face, maybe a coffee cup or something. No, wait. I looked again. A pair of pink and green polka-dotted string bikini panties. And he was sniffing them! And he didn't do it just once, oh no. He did this many, many time whilst driving on Route 40. I honestly don't think he was aware that I was cracking up; I don't think he was doing this for anybody's benefit but his own.
I guess everybody needs a way to stay awake.

(Incidently, i copied down his plate number in case he really was a molester.)